A decade ago, shit got real.
I was a pregnant startup CEO.
All the startup chaos plus adding a baby? No problem. 😅😳
Fast forward 10 years, I have two adorable boys, a job I love as a tech investor, and a looooottttttt of lessons learned along the way.
Here’s what I wish I knew when I got started…
1. There’s tradeoffs. And that’s okay.
You may not be able to do everything that you did before. Full stop.
I haven’t done an Ironman since having kids. I’d rather spend time with my kids on the weekend than ride 100 miles. I feel absolutely at peace with that decision.
(Because I still get my fix through marathons which take a fraction of the time! 😉)
I do fewer work happy hours and social things. I don’t read as much business news. I see my friends less often.
That’s okay!
I AM RAISING THE NEXT GENERATION OF HUMANS AND THAT HAS VALUE!!!!!!!
Life changes but it’s okay!
You’ll figure out how to keep what’s most important. And let go of the rest.
2. Focus on high leverage activities.
Kids force you to focus. Less chitchat at the watercooler, more getting shit done.
You’ll often hear working parents say they got more efficient, more strategic, and cut the fluff (that they didn’t realize was fluff).
Don’t just “do work.”
Be intentional with your time and energy:
What are the most important, highest value activities?
How do I get the most bang for my buck with anything I spend time on?
Examples:
1 small group lunch instead of 5 coffee meetings
1:1 meetings for ideal customers only, no random LinkedIn connections
write a blog instead of emailing 1000 people every week 😉
take photos at events so it’s a social post plus in-person relationship building
exercise while networking (Founder Funder Jogs!)
say no sooner and more often
P.S. You should be thinking strategically about your time and energy anyway but kids make it absolutely necessary. 😜
3. Don’t over-explain your time.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:
You don’t need announce to the company that you’ll be offline for 15 minutes while you pick your kid up from daycare.
Just do the thing and then get back to it.
I know it’s good to communicate. And some jobs you truly can’t be away, like surgery or rocket launches.
But for most of us, especially working moms, we overshare the minutia of our schedules with disastrous results:
You are available and reply to everything asap unless otherwise stated.
You have no flexibility in your schedule aka an essential component of working parenthood.
You inadvertently create a work prison of your own making!
When I came back to the office after my first baby, I felt like I couldn’t take time away for pumping:
It’s too much time. I’m gone from my desk. Everyone is wondering where I am.
But like most things — I cared and worried a lot more than anyone else did!
The reality is that no one is available all the time because they’re:
on an important call
at a client meeting
attending an offsite ⛳
eating lunch
scrolling social media 😜
So get your stuff done. Do good work. Log on later if you need to reply or finish something. But don’t wear yourself out justifying every minute of your day!
4. Not all jobs are the same.
All previous advice assumes that your company is reasonable and modern.
Examples of normal:
Open to flexible scheduling if it’s better to arrive early and leave early.
No problem to take time off for an occasional family vacation.
Work from home if a child is sick.
Support for being the Mystery Reader!
Maybe they aren’t family friendly yet (you’re the first woman on maternity leave, for example…) but leadership is open and listening to feedback.
And then…there’s companies that really do suck. They don’t care. They’re not changing. They want you at your desk 80 hours/week, no exceptions.
REMINDER: It’s your life. You don’t have to work somewhere terrible!
Make a change. Find something else.
Or better yet, create the company you want to work at!!
5. Set boundaries. Then follow them.
Usually the person who is least respectful of your boundaries is you.
(Or your children. LOL.)
Boundaries — aka something within your control — can make the difference between loving your job and wanting to quit.
The biggest reason for burnout is having too much to do.
That’s often, at least partially, self-inflicted.
Boundaries are mix of:
getting comfortable saying no
having regular non-negotiables
sticking to a general schedule that works for you (and your family)
My favorite way to handle boundaries is not a big fancy announcement but just casually and consistently make it “your thing.”
(You know how I feel about evening events and getting to bed early! 😉)
These are all real things I’ve heard people say about well-respected, successful founders or executives:
She’s not available until 9a.
He doesn’t have his phone with him during workouts.
He’ll work from the lake house with his family during the summer.
She logs off at 8p.
She’s coaching her kids’ sports then.
He volunteers at his kids’ school every Friday afternoon.
What do those executives say when they’re “enforcing” those boundaries?
They’re using one of these lines!
What do you wish you knew before becoming a working parent? What was the hardest lesson you learned? The most helpful one?
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