I was recently listening to Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards where she gives research based examples of how to portray warmth and competence. Lots of good little nuggets, but here are three that jumped out at me as interesting.

Optimal distance between people

Vanessa described how studies have shown there is an optimal distance between people for building relationships. Too close and it feels invasive/intimate; too far and it feels distant/disinterested. For a face-to-face meeting, you should sit far enough apart where if you both reached out your hands they could just touch. As a bonus, she mentioned that the same holds true for a Zoom meeting - you should sit at a distance where if you reached out your hand it would just touch the camera.

Lean in

As both a speaker and listener, you can lean in to help show importance, commitment and engagement. When you lean in and deliver a point while speaking you are signaling that point is important and for the audience to pay attention. As a listener, when you lean in to a comment and maybe make a follow-on comment or question it shows you really care about what they are saying.

Don’t hide your hands

This was one I had never thought of before. She states that the human brain has a protective mechanism that is invoked when you can’t see someone’s hands (i.e. below the table). It comes from early human days where people were checking if the approaching person presented danger due to an object in their hand (or a weapon in modern day). Vanessa suggests keeping your hands visible on the table. As a bonus, you can use your hands for gestures (which help people remember and show importance) as well as having your hands out keeps your shoulders at an optimal position (vs. slouching or stretching).

There were many other good tips and tricks, but a great reminder of how our non-verbal cues can have a huge impact on how the conversation goes and the relationships between people.